Am I the Only One Who Forgot How to Knit?

So, I totally don't get it. I have been pretty much an obsessive knitter for a few years now. I have knit something, if only a few stitches, nearly every day for a LONG time.

I was at a loss for a new project, so I just decided to cast on for a chemo turban pattern I saw a long time ago. I don't have the yarn used, nor have I ever seen it. And it's an adult size, so I did something almost unheard of for me: I swatched.

Well, a little.

And I was soooo far off. It's a K4P4 rib, and I had this huge, loose, ladder-y-looking thing every time I switched from K to P and P to knit.

Huh?

That one is a mystery for the ages.

Completely frustrated, I frogged the swatch, rewound the yarn (a very yummy Debbie Bliss Pure Cotton in the most gorgeous soft yellow, by the way), and got out another recently queued pattern.

It was the Pixy Hat from my pattern-a-day calendar. Since baby hats are so tiny, I don't swatch.

This time, it wouldn't have mattered.

I decided to make the girl's version, which has a ruffled edge, created by casting on twice as many stitches as you need, K for 2 rows, then do [K2tog 3 times, P2tog once], all the way around.

Keep in mind, I said baby hat.

I cast on the 160 (!) stitches that it called for, followed the pattern, decreased, and then took a look. I held it up, made a face, probably uttered some unmentionables because I knew what I was seeing, and then I did the sizing test. I put it on my head.

Didn't even touch my hair. It was like a stinkin' hula hoop!

This week I have imbibed an insane amount of Nyquil, Dayquil Sinus, Prilosec, and Motrin. I'm blaming it on that. I can't possibly have forgotten to knit this week.

I mean, really...

Could I?

(And no. There is no photographic evidence of these atrocities...)